The Speech
by 17 Hope
Summary: Sirius has been invited to speak at his best friends wedding reception and I think we can all assume that he won't go down the traditional route. Rated T purely for language.


**Disclaimer: I think by my use of this site you will have already come to the conclusion that I am not JKR**

**Thanks to my amazing Beta Reader Autumn Midnights**

**And thanks to DelfineNotPadfoot who is translating this story into French**

**Enjoy**

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"Good evening, ladies, gentlemen, and the thing in front of me that we'll just call 'James'." There was a round of laughter, a smirk from Remus that clearly said 'James is going to kill you if you don't stop now', and a glare from James that suggested Remus was, as usual, right.

Sirius, being Sirius, wasn't fazed. "I'll never forget my first meeting with James. It was on the Hogwarts Express, headed to the first part of the rest of our lives, and we bonded quickly, over sweets and a shared enthusiasm for Quidditch and hating Slytherins." Another round of quick laughter.

"It was in that same compartment that I met a fiery - in both her temper and her hair - annoying, bossy, rule-abiding girl... The lovely Lily. Their relationship started off badly. I don't think anyone could deny it. Honestly, if you'd told me then that one day, I'd be standing up here, giving my best-man speech at their wedding, I'd have told you you were barking, and that's saying something - usually, it's me barking." There was some enthusiastic laughter from the few that understood the joke, and some confused looks exchanged by everyone who didn't - in other words, most of the guests.

"Our first year was full of James hexing Lily and, in turn, learning just how scary Lily can get - which is exactly why you won't be seeing me for a while after this is over. Throughout our second year, things didn't really get any better. More hexing, more yelling, and more detentions." Sirius ran a hand through his mane of hair.

"They didn't change until third year when I stupidly suggested that we play Truth or Dare. I dared James to ask Lily out, and I'm not sure if he was just stunned she said no - don't really know why; he should have noticed no girl would go for that haircut - or if something clicked inside him that said he wanted to marry her." James looked torn between hitting Sirius and laughing.

"Whatever it was, it doesn't matter," Sirius continued. "What matters is that I had years of hearing James drone on and on about Lily, and she had years of being stalked, and coming up with very creative and hurtful ways to reject James."

"During fourth year," said Sirius, "he constantly asked her out. I'm never going to forget one particular time when James decided to fly into the girls' dorms to ask Lily out, and he missed, flying straight through McGonagall's window instead." At this, McGonagall looked up in surprise, and Sirius realised with a jolt that no one, until now, had ever found out who had actually broken the window. "Judging by Minnie's expression, she never found out about this, so I'd appreciate it if you could all offer her enough drinks that she gets pissed enough she can't remember it. Though, then again, it's too late to give us detention." He winked toward McGonagall.

"I'll also never forget how James didn't get the message that it was a bad idea and tried again. This time, he got the right room, but unfortunately, Lily was dressed in only underwear at the time, resulting in a very humorous-looking, badly-hexed James by the end of it."

"Yeah," shouted James. "Similar to what you're going to look like soon."

There was fresh laughter, and Sirius looked at the crowd in mock despair. "Hey, you're supposed to be on my side!"

"Not if it means suffering Lily's wrath with you. Sorry, but I'm not that faithful!" shouted Remus.

Sirius scowled, but then continued as if there had been no interruption. "Anyway, as I was saying, James tried all different ways to get Lily to date him. In fifth year, their relationship hit an all time low - which, honestly, before that point I couldn't see how it could get worse - but it did."

Sirius paused, looking out over the crowd, and exchanging another glance with James, who still looked half-amused and half-angry. "Finally, during sixth year, James did what everyone had thought would be impossible for him: he grew up. Mostly, anyway. There was still the occasional prank, and quite a few detentions, but he did manage to stop calling out across the lake to Lily. And he never again sent a Howler that screamed, for the entire Great Hall to hear 'Will you go out with me?'"

Lily didn't look thrilled that Sirius had brought that up again, but he continued anyway. "At the same time, Lily decided that she actually didn't mind the annoying, scrawny boy beside her, and bored her dorm-mates by endlessly going on and on about how brilliant he is. Which, although it was a nice change from her going on and on about what a git he is, would have gotten annoying, so I'm glad she did it to her dorm-mates and not to me. Thanks for that tidbit, by the way, Marlene," he added, grinning in Marlene's direction.

"Both of them, being the Lily and James we all know, were too stubborn to get together. James had said he would stop asking her out, and was determined to prove to us that he could manage. We placed bets on it, and none of us knew what to do when the longest time frame - one to two weeks - went past, and he still hadn't asked her. We'd all lost the bet, and to be honest, I was a bit disappointed - I could have done with that money." Looking back, of course, betting that James would ask Lily out within three days might have been a bit on the too-soon side.

"Lily, on the other hand, refused to admit to anyone - outside her alcohol-induced midnight talks with her dorm-mates, of course - that she had fallen for him. And yes, Lily - I do also know about the drinking you participated in that year -also thanks to Marlene, who, judging by your expression, should run as soon as I'm done with this speech." Lily was now glaring at Marlene, although Sirius could see - even from that distance - that she wasn't truly angry.

"Anyway, I should probably finish up now, because I think you're all itching to get pissed, but Lily and James finally got together. He proposed, and for some unknown reason, she said yes - but, honestly, I mean it - if any of you could enlighten me to that reasoning, it would be great. So they decided to get married, leading us to here - final proof that if you stalk someone for long enough, they will eventually fall for you. And, to Mr. Evans, just so you know - your daughter is making possibly the biggest mistake of her life by doing this."

"Oi!" James folded his arms.

"However, I personally would have absolutely no problem castrating my best mate if he ever hurt Lily."

"You are such a great friend, Padfoot," James said.

"But I don't think that will be nescessary, because despite the fact that James is hopelessly in love with Lily and wouldn't do that, I think she'd beat me to it. But finally, to Lily and James Potter, forever sickening the rest of us with their public displays of affection and love." He gestured to the couple. "Now, I'm gonna hide out in the loo for a bit, because I think one or both of them wants to kill me, so see you all later later," he finished, sprinting away to the roars of laughter echoing throughout the crowd.

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**I hope you enjoyed it but please, either way leave a review I would be eternally grateful**


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